ESPN broadcast. I was also hoping DJ would go out in style with a decent finish, but that was not to be. Fox could’ve made this a great broadcast by getting Ned into the booth for a while and getting him to call some of the race, but this makes sense and we can’t have that with a Fox broadcast now can we?
In the past, we’ve heard the Booth Buffoons say that Bristol held 180,000 while this past weekend, they were quick to say 160,000+ in the stands and the suites. And if you looked closely, you could see that there were empty seats here and there. The camping areas were half full. Was this because of the weather or because of the high cost of chasing racing? Either way, it’s not a good sign.
The Invocation sounded more like a commercial than praising or thanking God. I’m not sure where they found Danielle Peck, but she needs to go back to being part of the duo Bushel and a Peck. Elliott Sadler looked like he was in pain when she was singing the National Anthem. It must’ve been bad because Duke, our pup, started howling. There was a great shot of Jeff and Kim Burton with their hands over their hearts, but you could see that they were the exception rather than the rule when it comes to showing the proper respects to our flag and National Anthem.
Since qualifying was set by points because of the rain-out during qualifying, that had Jimmie Johnson sitting on the pole. And because of all the rain, there was a Competition Caution scheduled for Lap 50. Ryan Newman had to start at the back because of an engine change.
Once the green flag dropped, Johnson took off. Matt Kenseth was running high which surprised the Booth Buffoons. They seem to think it was too early after they had been bragging on the fact that you could run any groove on the track. Tony Stewart seemed to be having some problems as his car was sliding up the track. He was complaining about it on the radio and the Network Nitwits agreed it was because his tire’s air pressure hadn’t come up.
On Lap 18, they went to their regular commercial programming. When they came back, you could see that the cars had pretty much gotten strung out and were running single file down the straights and fanning out into different grooves through the corners. After seeing a few more laps of racing, they went back to commercial and while they were away, Clint Bowyer had taken the lead. Up to this point, the broadcast was pretty decent because Jabber Jaws was keeping his mouth shut. No cheerleading from him so far, which was a blessing. Cars were already starting to get lapped at this point. On Lap 40, they went back to commercial once again. The one new commercial they showed was a commercial with Mikey and a parrot and it was actually funny. When they interrupted their commercials to show us some racing, we didn’t get to see much. The Competition Caution, which was supposed to be on Lap 50, came on Lap 51. Kyle Busch had moved from 22nd up to 11th before the caution and was using his rubber baby buggy bumper to move cars out of his way. Can’t call it a chrome horn anymore since there’s no chrome bumpers on the cars anymore. Nobody did anything really earth shattering during the pit stops. Kvapil got the Lucky Dog and they went back to their normal commercial coverage.
They restarted on Lap 58 with 37 cars on the lead lap, but wouldn’t be green for very long. On Lap 60, Ken Schrader got into Robby Gordon causing Robby to spin which brought out Caution #2, so they immediately went back to commercial. How dare some racing action interrupt their commercials. There would be some similar spins later on that wouldn’t bring out a caution because of the performance of some of the Chosen Ones and the fact that they weren’t running well.
Joe Nemechek got the Lucky Dog on this caution. When they restarted on Lap 60, Bowyer was still leading with Johnson in 2nd and Stewart in 3rd. Up front and at the back of the field, the racing was single file. In the middle of the pack, they were side by side. You couldn’t tell if it was because they were actually racing or if it was because they couldn’t pass because of the Uni-Car’s poor design. Casey Mears, who took a risk on not pitting, was slowly advancing to the rear while Bowyer was slowly pulling away. Larry Mac made sure they were following Faux King Brian’s guidelines on what would be covered by saying Montoya had started 21st but the graphic they showed said 19th. The first of many annoying graphics.
Clint Bowyer was being slowed down by lapped traffic which allowed Stewart to catch up to him. On Lap 93, when Stewart was right on Bowyer’s rear bumper, Caution #3 came out for debris which they showed. Larry Mac made the statement, “That debris caution was very timely for Jamie McMurray”. You have to wonder who else it was timely for. Larry Mac doesn’t say things like that unless a Chosen One is in trouble somewhere. Bowyer got caught up in the pit road traffic which allowed Stewart to get out first with Johnson in 2nd. While they were following the pace car, we got some Master of the Obvious statements out of the Hollyweird Motel. Bobby Labonte got caught on a tire violation and Kasey Kahne got caught for speeding on pit road and both had to go back to the end of the longest line. Mikey stayed out to get the 5 points for leading and would set him up as a sitting duck. Of course, DW croaked something and Larry Mac had to lead the cheerleading for Mikey and the Toyotas since DW couldn’t.
They restarted on Lap 100 and by Lap 102, Mikey started advancing to the rear with both Stewart and Johnson getting by him. Since he was in cheerleading mode, Larry Mac said that they needed to go 25-30 laps before they had a caution so that it would benefit Mikey.
On Lap 188, it was back to commercials yet again. Caution #4 came out when Dave Blaney spun by himself. Back to commercial. Once they got rolling again, on Lap 143 they had a great shot of Jeremy Mayfield but didn’t bother making mention of him and then went to commercial on Lap 144.
Once they came back, things seem to be business as usual. Lap 161, towards the back of the pack, cars were running side by side like before because they couldn’t pass each other. Lap 163 they finally mentioned Jeremy Mayfield not because of his racing, but because he was holding up the race leaders and was 2 laps down. The sun came out on Lap 167 but the Booth Buffoons missed it as they were busy cheerleading for the Toyotas. On Lap 170, DJ had to pit because he had a tire going down and they once again resumed their commercial broadcast on Lap 176.
Once they came back from commercial, things were going along fine until Caution #5 came out on Lap 191. It looked like the Bristol of old. Schrader got into Dario Franchitti who in turn got into McMurray and that caused a pile up behind them with Bobby Labonte, Newman, and Menard running into each other trying to avoid hitting Franchitti and McMurray. The cut to commercials on Lap 193 and when they came back on Lap 198, they missed the restart on Lap 197. You could see the odd empty seat here and there.
Because of the damage Menard had gotten from the wreck, he had his right quarter panel missing and the TV panel was flapping in the breeze. He was black flagged and when he pitted, the crew ripped the TV panel off. The Booth Buffoons didn’t bother telling us that McMurray and Schrader had gone behind the wall right after the accident, but decided to mention it in passing. They also didn’t bother mentioning that Bobby Labonte had some major work done on his car but was still on the track.
Lap 210, the Booth Buffoons finally looked away from their monitors and noticed that the sun had come out and were making comments on how the sun would affect the racing. From the Hollyweird Motel, Hambone mentioned that because the track was concrete, it wouldn’t affect the racing. You’ve got to love how these folks communicate with each other. On Lap 217, Newman was black flagged for the same thing as Menard, the TV panel flapping in the breeze. We got to hear a brief radio transmission where they were saying to bear bond it. Then it was off to commercial again on Lap 221.
When they returned from commercial on Lap 233, sometime during the commercial programming, Schrader had returned to the track. Larry Mac was busy cheerleading for Denny Hamlin and the rest of the Gibbs Toyotas and you could hear a loud croak out of DW when Hamlin got the lead from Mr. Happy. Since they had finally built up some rubber on the track, some cars were having handling problems with being too loose or too tight.
When we got to Lap 272, only 16 cars were on the lead lap. Thanks to Fox and their graphics problems, it was hard to tell what lap they were on since they seem to be hung up on telling us who was running in the Top 10 and Top 20, but not the rest of the field or what lap it was.
Caution #6 came out when Franchitti had a tire going down and got rear ended by Menard and spun. Montoya, trying to beat the caution flag moved up to block Hamlin forcing Hamlin to go up the hill and he put Mears into the wall. When the cars were coming off of pit road, you’d have thought the Network Nitwits had achieved multiple orgasms as they were moaning, groaning, and cheerleading per Faux King Brian’s directives about the 3 Gibb’s Toyotas coming off of pit road 1-2-3.
The Beak got nailed for pitting outside the pit box and Hamlin had to make several more pit stops to repair the damage he’d gotten from running into Mears which cost him several positions. Luckily for him, there were only 16 cars on the lead lap. On Lap 284, the Hollyweird Motel interrupted things with some nonsense and they restarted on Lap 284 with Kyle Busch leading.
Kyle Busch was complaining about how his car wouldn’t turn and it felt like the steering arm was stuck on the sway bar. On Lap 291, Busch spun and hit the inside wall with his car smoking. Mike Skinner smacked another car in the rear trying to avoid Busch and damaged the oil cooler causing fire to stream under the car and out the rear. Of course, none of the Network Nitwits were guessing on what caused the fire and we wouldn’t find out til later on. Why Skinner didn’t immediately stop in front of a fire truck is beyond me, but he eventually pulled off and stopped at the pit road entrance so they could extinguish the fire. Once they opened pit road, Busch was in and out for repairs.
On Lap 299, it was back to the normal commercial programming. When the returned, Kyle Busch was having to pit yet again. This time for a loose trunk lid. When they restarted on Lap 305, Stewart was leading with Jeff Burton and Mr. Happy following close behind. Skinner was released from the infield care center and they still hadn’t followed up on why the car caught fire. After all, if it was because of one of the “safety features” on the Uni-Car, it would look bad for them to say something about it. Jabber Jaws tried cheerleading for Stewart, but all that came out was another series of miserable sounding croaks.
David Gilliland was having a decent run, keeping himself out of trouble and staying near or in the Top 10 most of the day. Since we were having some racing, it was once again time to go to commercial, so they left on Lap 327 and returned on Lap 339 with that “Let’s gag DW boys” song. Even though he was a lap down, Kyle Busch was racing his teammate Stewart to keep from going yet another lap down. You could hear Larry Mac saying that Tony should just let him go because Mr. Happy would be catching up to him. Somewhere around Lap 345, Mr. Happy got past Stewart only to have Tony return the favor 5 laps later. The Network Nitwits were spending a lot of time blabbering about the Gibb’s Toyotas, but that’s to be expected since it was so dictated in Daytona.
Jimmie Johnson’s car was doing an imitation of Mikey’s Toyota and was slowly advancing towards the rear when he slid up the track and hit DJ forcing DJ up the track and he barely missed the wall. Bet he had to check his drawers. On Lap 357, since we had some excitement on the track, it was once again off to commercials.
It was hard to tell what lap it was since that damned Top 10 and Top 20 ticker kept running when they returned from commercial to give us a couple more laps of racing. On Lap 375, we got the “if the race ended now” speech and graphic. While they were busy doing that, Johnson got into Jeff Burton causing Jeff to slide and causing Johnson to spin. Luckily neither hit another car or the wall.
On Lap 387, Mr. Happy was back in the lead. Jamie McMurray had returned to the track at some point, but there was no mention of when. Skinner returned to the track and this is when we found out about the oil cooler. They actually had all 43 cars still running. On Lap 399, it was back to commercials. When we got back around Lap 412, the Booth Buffoons mentioned that there were 160,000+ fans in the stands and the suites. Funny how in the past they use to say there were 180,000+ fans at the race.
At this point, Stewart had led the most laps in the race and on Lap 413, he got around Mr. Happy to take the lad once again since they were having to work lapped traffic. We had to take the word of the Network Nitwits that Denny Hamlin was having to go high and low to get around Bowyer as they only showed Denny going around him. And it was commercial time once again on Lap 423.
It sure seemed like the closer we got to the end, the more commercials they were showing and the more cheerleading was going on. On Lap 444, Hamlin had moved into third. 6 Laps later, more commercials. They returned on Lap 462. Ryan Newman was trying to get down to pit road for a tire problem and Stewart and Mr. Happy split around him, one on the inside and one on the outside. Lap 473, back to commercial again since we got to see that great shot of Stewart and Mr. Happy splitting Newman.
When they returned on Lap 485, the cheerleading was continuing as before. On Lap 488, Brian Vickers hit the wall and it took two laps for the 9th caution flag to come out. When they did the replay, the found out the reason why Vickers hit the wall. He had a right front tire going down. It was a tough decision on whether to pit or not. Harvick, Burton, Bowyer, Biffle, Gordon, and Edwards hit the pits. Three lead lap cars stayed out for track position. Stewart, Jr. and Hamlin. Apparently, there was some communications problems between Jr. and his crew chief on whether or not to pit and take 2 tires.
Since we got down to under 10 laps to go, we had a single file restart. They restarted on Lap 495 with Larry Mac doing his best impression of Screaming Lord Sutch. Tony Stewart got a good jump on everyone else and was able to pull away some. But Hamlin wasn’t giving up. He caught Stewart the next lap and got by him. Mr. Happy was working the low groove with two laps to go. Mr. Happy bobbled at got into Tony causing Stewart to spin and bringing out Caution #10 which would lead to a Green-White-Checker finish.
To make it really seem exciting, they showed Kim Burton and Joe Gibbs. Hamlin seem to have a good restart and then something went wrong. Burton, Mr. Happy, and Bowyer all got around him. The Booth Buffoons sounded like they were in a panic and immediately said it was a fuel pick-up problem. Jeff Burton got the win with a 1-2-3 Childress finish. Fox showed maybe 12 cars crossing the finish line, they cut to the pit box and the crew.
During a post-race interview, Denny said that it was a fuel pick-up problem and that this wasn’t the first race that this problem had occurred and cost Gibbs wins. Ouch! Mr. Happy said that he had lost it and hit Tony. This was the 4th Top 10 in a row for Mr. Happy. Tony was interviewed after the race and sounded sort of sad and puzzled. He said “I thought I left him plenty of room, but I’m sure it’s my fault”. Still, he came out with a 14th place finish. Chevy got their first win for the season with their sweep.
When they were interviewing Jeff in Victory Lane, you could see one of the Sprint girls standing in frame behind Jeff smiling. She wasn’t doing anything else, just smiling. Any bets Sprint isn’t really happy with the AT&T car winning?
Since the race went a little quicker than anticipated, Fox had to fill in a bunch of extra time. One way they filled it in was by interviewing Kim Burton and the Burton kids. Then we got some more nonsensical blabbering from the Hollyweird Motel. Then an interview with Aric Amirola who finished in 8th. David Gilliland finished 9th, which was a good finish for him since the car sponsorship isn’t for the whole season. Hopefully somebody will step up and sponsor the 28 & 38 cars. Despite the early pit problem, Kasey Kahne came home 7th.
They’re off next week for Easter and heading to
the “pretty paperclip“, Martinsville the week after.
The new Top 35 will take affect there and there’s
already talk about teams swapping points
between various cars. Larry Mac and Jeff
Hambone aren’t happy about that. There are a
few cars which haven’t been in this position
before that are going to be scrambling to make
the race at Martinsville. It should be interesting.
The Beak will take over the UPS car with
Michael McDowell taking over The Beak’s old
ride.
And a good, old fashioned hand salute to Army
Specialist Monica Lin Brown who saved the lives of fellow soldiers after a roadside bomb tore through a convoy of Hummers in the eastern Paktia province in Afghanistan in April 2007. What’s unusual about this is that Specialist Brown was awarded the Silver Cross for her actions in rescuing her fellow soldiers who were unconscious and put herself at risk by dragging them to safety and using her own body as a shield to protect them. She is the first female medic to receive the Silver Star since World War II. So Monica, here’s to you and the thanks of a lot of folks who appreciate what you and your comrades are doing for our country.
Motherhood, Apple Pie, & John Wayne
Mad Mikie
Curmudgeon at Large
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